First road trip in Gino's Dream

It’s been such a long time since I uploaded my blog, I really don’t know where to start.  The  reason I haven’t been updating is because it was starting to look like a medical blog and not the travel blog it was supposed to.  Having said that, I will update on my condition briefly, and then get back to the travel.  I had my 11th round of chemo on Friday 21/12/12.  My tumors have shrunk to half the size they were 3 months ago and the oncologist is really happy with that.  Well, not just the oncologist actually, we are really happy with that.  We couldn’t have anticipated such a good result considering I was only given an 18% chance of actually responding to it, and considering I stopped responding to the chemo I was having before hand, which was supposed to be the miracle one.   Unfortunately, I can only have 6 of this particular one at a time.  I may be able to have another 6 at the end, but they will have to calculate how much I have had and see if it is worth starting me on it again, because there is only so much that can be given to any one person because of the damage it does to the heart.  What does it matter I say, if it’s right at the end of my life doesn’t that mean I am going to die anyway, so what difference does it make if I die of cancer or heart failure.  But, that’s how it is and there’s nothing I can do about it. 

It’s nearly one year since my dad died and I still miss him terribly.  I have dreamt about him a few times, and sometimes I am sure he is here with me.  I have smelt him beside me and sometimes, I just sense him there.  One time, when I really was not feeling well and feeling sorry for myself, the words “It’s not time yet”, actually came into my head.   It’s really strange actually, because I’m sure they came from dad, and he was telling me to keep going.  I don’t even remember thinking about not fighting but maybe in my subconscious mind, I was thinking of giving up.  I have never told anyone this, and I’m sure Terry is going to question me about it as soon as he reads it, but I took it as a sign that I have to keep going no matter what, and that is what I am doing.  I am fit and healthy at the moment, well, as healthy asI can be with stage 4 ovarian cancer.  The oncologist said it would take about 6 weeks for the chemo to start working its way out of my body, and then I won’t be feeling so tired all the time.  I am looking forward to that time, because I miss being able to do things.  I hate being tired and having to have a rest all the time.  I am just looking forward to being “normal” for a while.  

So now I will leave my health there for the moment and tell you about Gino’s Dream.

It’s been a long hard year, but we finally managed to get Gino’s Dream registered.  That was one of the highlights of our year.  It wasn’t easy, every time we called the transport department to see what the next step was, we were told a different story.  I think it depended on who we spoke to and what mood they were in.  One person would tell us we didn’t need a fixed cooking appliance in the bus, the next person would tell us we did.  One person would tell us we needed to get the work signed off by an engineer in Burnie, another person would tell us the local person who had been guiding us all the way would be able to do it.  Then the next person would tell us that no that is not the case, he is not qualified to sign off on anything.  In the end, we called the mechanic, he took the bus to the workshop and let the local fellow know where the bus  was, and it came back and all we needed was the seatbelt compliance plate to be screwed in and it would pass, and we would able to get it registered.  The seats and seat belts had been passed a few weeks beforehand, there was just a delay getting the plate.  For some reason, it took weeks for it to be sent, but it finally arrived, and Gin’s Dream was finally registered.  With the bus registered and insured we were keen to take him out for a drive.  Every time we planned on going out, something came up and we had to postpone it.  Finally, se decided on Boxing Day.  Nothing is going to stand in our way this time, Terry said.  Well we nearly didn’t make it.  I did some washing before we set off, and the washing machine stopped half way through.  Checking the troubleshooting guide, I learnt it was due to fluff in the filter.  That turned into a major operation, with Terry having to take the front of the washing machine off, then taking the filter out and cleaning it up.  I had washed the cat’s bed a few days earlier, and hadn’t realised there was a tassel on it, and it came apart and wrapped itself around the wheel in the filter.  (we have a front loader).  I normally hand wash the cat’s bed, but for some reason I threw it it the washing machine this time.  I’ll never do that again.  This set us back over an hour, and I wasn’t sure if it was worth going out so late, 

Terry said, with daylight saving, it will still be daylight till about 9, so we should just go, so we did.  We set off, and it felt great.  I must admit, I was a bit nervous at first, but soon settled down and enjoyed the ride.  Horatio looked out the window for a while, then curled up on my lap and went to sleep.  Towards the end, he was getting a bit restless, and was pleased when we arrived and was able to go out and cock his leg.  We drove to Hadspen, which is about 85 K.m.’s from home.  It’s a nice little day camp by the river.  There was a small playground, b.b.q’s and tables, there was a powerpoint in each toilet, and it was dog friendly.   We enjoyed a nice picnic lunch, went for a little walk, then had a rest on the bed.  It was nice to lie in bed and look out the window and see trees on one side and the picnic area and the river on the other.  At home, we lie on the bed and see a house on each side.  We got back home about 5.40p.m. and were pleased with our afternoon away.  We promised ourselves that next time we will head off earlier and stay away longer.  We hope to get out again New Years Day, and make a full day of it.  

Gino’s Dream handled like a dream.  The only problem we discovered is that the speedo doesn’t work.  It gets to 60 and doesn’t go any further, so we really have no idea how fast we were actually going, however, at some stages, I’m sure we cracked the 100. I do know that every time we got to an overtaking lane, we were overtaken by at least half a dozen cars.  Like most buses this age, the petrol guage doesn’t work either, so we have no idea how much diesel we actually have.  We have asked about getting it fixed, and were told it’s going to be a difficult job, so have decided to not worry about it.  We will just make sure we carry spare diesel and, once we are actually on the road, we should get to know how far we can go on a tank and fill up when we need to.  It could take a while, but we will get used to it.  I just don’t know if I am game enough to fill up the tank and keep going until we run out of fuel.  I don’t really like the idea of pushing a 40 foot bus along the highway until we get to a petrol station.  Wouldn’t that be a sight.  And with that, I'll leave you for now.  Hopefully, my next post wont be too far away.

Here are some photos of South Esk Lions Park, where we parked for lunch.

Terry was parking the bus and this woman
pulled up right in front of us
and parked right there.

The river

The playground

Life with cancer

Since I was diagnosed with cancer in February,  life has changed dramatically.  I now live my life in 3 week cycles.  Day one is chemotherapy. I usually start the day off pretty well because of the steroids I have to take the night before and the morning of.  Then I go to hospital and I get hooked up to the drip and I sit in a chair for about 4 or 5 hours.  By the time the chemo is over, I am starting to feel tired, and a little sick.  Day two, I wake up feeling sick and I usually have really sore legs and sometimes arms.  My cheeks are usually bright red.  I sometimes start to vomit on day 2.  Day 3 and I am definitely vomiting by now.  This is usually my worst day.  My aches are at their worst and I feel really bad.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  I really don't know how people coped with chemo before these new drugs that make things "better".

The bathroom

Our room in the hotel in Hobart

As planned, I had my surgery after my third round of chemo. Terry and I went to Hobart and we stayed the night in a nice old Hotel before I had to go to hospital at 9.15 on Monday morning.  It was a lovely night and I am grateful we took the opportunity to head down early and have a relaxing night, instead of rushing the 3 hour drive on Monday morning.  The surgery happened on the Tuesday morning, and I was nervous but excited.  I couldn't wait to get the cancer out of me, but I will admit, I was really scared.  What if I didn't survive the surgery, what if I did survive only to be told they couldn't do anything for me and I only had a few months to live.  I wasn't ready for that, I wasn't ready to die, I want to live, as you know, we were meant to be travelling and I really want to achieve that before I die.  I kissed Terry good bye, and held his hand as long as I could as I was wheeled away into the unknown.  It didn't seem long later, but in reality it was hours, when I was wheeled back into my room.  I have no idea what my first words were but I am sure I was pretty happy to see Terry standing there looking down at me.  I do remember him saying hello and welcome back.  The next few days were hell on earth.  I was in a lot of pain, and nothing seemed to help.

Back from theatre

I couldn't eat, couldn't go to the toilet, couldn't even roll over.  I don't remember much about those days except that the doctors did tell me the operation had been a success and they had got all the visible cancer.  They had saved my bowel too, which was wonderful.  I had no idea how that was going to go.  You see the cancer had wrapped itself around the bowel and the doctors weren't sure if they were going to be able to unwrap it, or if they would have to take the bowel.  I told them I was prepared to loose it, if it meant saving my life.  Ten days after surgery, they sent me home.  I really wanted to come home, but wasn't really ready yet.  I was still in a lot of pain, and had trouble getting in and out of bed on my own.  I even had trouble getting on and off the toilet, luckily, we have rails at the toilet and shower at home, so I thought I would be ok.  We didn't leave hospital till late and Terry had driven down early that morning, so we decided to stay the night in Richmond and make an early start the next day.  We found a nice little old place and bedded down for the night.  It was a rough night for me, I was cold, and the bed was low so it was hard for me to get in and out of it.  The bath room was also very small, and the toilet was tucked into a little nook and I had nowhere to grip when I needed to get on and off.  I managed though, and eventually snuggled into bed and slept.

The courtyard where we stayed in Richmond

For some reason, we didn't take any indoor photos.
Too sick I guess

Getting home was bitter sweet.  Gino's Dream had been taken away to be finished the Friday before I went to hospital.  I would have liked it to have been back when I returned home and settled into it, but no such luck.  In fact, here we are 4 weeks later and it still isn't here.  As much as I love being in my big old bed in my house, it's just not the same anymore.  We belong in Gino's Dream, and Gino's Dream belongs on the road.  At this stage, I have no idea when he will be finished and returned, but we can't wait.  Terry is keen to drive him and start taking some short trips around Tasmania, I am just keen to get going.  I have been told that life expectancy after ovarian cancer is about 5 years, so that doesn't give me much time.  Mind you, a good friends sister has just passed the 12 year mark after surgery for ovarian cancer, and I plan to beat her.  Australia is just too big to see in 5 years, but nonetheless, I am keen to get going.
My days are getting better, and I am feeling stronger, however, I still am cold all the time and am still weak.  The doctor has told me to get some multi-vitamin and to try to rest as much as possible and stay warm and eat healthy.  I do try, but sometimes it's just so hard.  I only have 2 rounds of chemotherapy left, and am looking forward to the end.  All going well, my last round of chemo will be on the 9th July, so by the end of July, things should be looking up for me.  I think it will be a big party then.  I really can't wait.
So until then, I am still needing all your love, strength and support to help get me through this.

What is and what should have been

As I sat back in the recliner at the hospital I contemplate what is and what could or should have been.  Next week should have been D day. Yes friends, I had my mind set on leaving the week after school holidays.  The reason I chose that was because of traffic. I thought it would have slowed down by then, also I thought about the weather.  I didn't want to leave Tasmania and head to the mainland while it was so hot there, and thought it would be cooling down by now.  This week should have been a busy one for us.  We would have had to check that everything was fine with the bus, unpack all my clothes and repack only half of them and taking the rest to the salvos.  We would have to do the same with Terry's gear and everything else we have packed so far.  I'm sure we wont need half of what I have put in there.  We would also have had to sell the ute sometime this week.  Horatio would have had to have a visit to the vet for a check up (he would have hated that, but I rather know he is healthy).  Gino's Dream is in desperate need of a wash.  I'm sure there are heaps more things that need doing, but they aren't coming to mind right now.

Instead as I mentioned before I was sitting back in a recliner at the hospital having my third round of chemo.  Gino's Dream is sitting up the side of the house unfinished but by no means unloved.  We are no where near close to even thinking of selling the ute.

We have settled into Gino's Dream well.  I had a few tough goes in there, not being able to cope with certain smells but seem to be on top of it now.  It will be interesting to see how I go with this round of chemo.  My sense of smell seems to be stronger after chemo and I can't tolerate things I hadn't even noticed before.  I have already decided that the curtains in the bedroom need to come down and washed again.  They still have that new "starchy" smell which seems to get worse when the sun heats the bus up.
We have sorted out our heating, so we should be warm in there this winter,  however, having the heater on will mean having to close the door, and I don't think Horatio will like that, he likes going out through the night and having a wonder.  Never mind, it will be good practice for when we finally get on the road.  He wont be able to head off on his own because we wont always be parked in a safe back yard.

Hopefully, the people who came and looked at the bus before Easter will keep their word and call us with a date they can pick Gino's Dream up and take him into the workshop and finish him for us.  It would be good if they could do it while I am in hospital, but Terry really wants it done before that.  I just thought that would be good because it would be easier all round.  Otherwise, we would have to move into the house again and it would upset everyones routine.  We all get on well, which is good, but it's nice to have somewhere to escape if I need peace and quiet, or just to watch t.v. if Liliana is watching something else.  If I am in hospital, Terry will most likely be in Hobart with me, so the timing would be great.  Fingers crossed we can get Gino's Dream finished soon, but we have found that tradesmen in Tasmania don't always keep their promise, and there aren't too many to choose from, so that makes it really hard.

I am picking up the pieces of my shattered life, slowly.  I have accepted what life has thrown at me, and am fighting it with everything I have.  It's not always easy.  Vomiting for 9 days after chemo is not fun, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  I can now understand why the doctors didn't treat my dad.  He would not have coped with the chemo, he was much too weak.  The doctors really do know best, we just have to trust them.  The chemo is really doing its job.  My C.R. 125 (which is a cancer indicator) has dropped from 3093 to 880 after two sessions, so I am really happy with that.  I see my surgeon on Friday and hopefully she will set a date for the operation for May, which was the plan, 3 chemo sessions, surgery then 3 more chemo sessions then hopefully it will all be over and I can regain my strength and start putting my life back together.

It's funny really (well not funny really, but I don't have another word for it)  how your life can change so dramatically in just one day, well not even one day, one minute.  Here I was thinking everything was alright then bang, I get told I have cancer and everything changes, just like that.  It has made me a stronger person and I am more understanding and tolerant now.  Amazing how being faced with death changes a person.

So as I sit here recovering, I dream of the future, where Terry and I will be on the road, travelling and exploring this wonderful country we have taken for granted for far too long.
One day soon Australia,    I PROMISE.

Gino's Dream lies in wait

After the sudden death of dad in January, we decided that we would stick to our original plan and set off and follow our dream as planned after Easter.  We set about trying to finish Gino's Dream, but I started feeling unwell, and after two misdiagnoses, I was finally diagnosed with ovarian cancer on 27th February, 2012.  That, I can tell you was as big a shock to me as my dads diagnoses of Leukaemia.  I didn't get much of a chance to do anything after that, I was diagnosed, admitted to hospital, and transferred to Hobart for treatment the following day.  Since then, my health and our lives have been a roller coaster.  So for the time being, Gino's dream lay in wait.  Terry spent all his spare time taking care of me and his interest in finishing our much loved bus, waned.  It broke our hearts to see the bus sitting in the driveway unfinished and starting to look unloved, we were still living in it, but we weren't even doing the day to day things like making the bed anymore.  It just didn't seem important.  My life revolved around doctors, taking medication, specialists and unexpected trips to the hospital because of setbacks.  Then one day last week, Terry decided that enough is enough, just because we aren't leaving after Easter this year, doesn't mean that Gino's Dream doesn't get finished, so he has decided to ask for help.  Dad left us a bit of money and we decided to put it to use and get our dream, and his finished.  Gino's dream will go to a workshop after Easter and hopefully come back to us a week or so later, finished and registered.  Even though we had planned on finishing the job ourselves, we could not possible have anticipated the setbacks that have been thrown at us.  I am very proud of the work Terry has done to get the bus up to the stage where it is.  It hasn't always been easy, but we have enjoyed the challenge, and we have it exactly as we wanted it. . 

 I am looking forward to taking short trips away between treatment to regain my strength.  A change of scenery will do us both the world of good, and it will give Terry driving experience.  Something he has not had any of.  

I am not going to go on and on in this blog, I just felt I needed to share this with you.  My sister has started a group called Olga's Journey and if you are interested in being added to the group, please send me a friend request and ask to be added.  I am committed to fighting this with everything I have and need your strength and positive thoughts to help me through.  

GINO'S DREAM

2012 started and it was going to be a good year.  We found some good tenants for our unit, unfortunately, that mean that my sister, who was living in it, had to move out sooner than expected.  That put us all in a bit of a spin, because the original plan was, we move into the bus in February, and she moves into the house, and the unit gets rented out.  So in a mad panic, we try to move her out and in here.  The bus is not ready for us to move into, but we decided that we would sleep in there, but we would share the house for now until the plumbing is done and number 3 is registered.  That way, at least, we wont have to empty too much out of it.  So with less than 2 weeks before the big move, I started sorting through furniture and clothes, selling what I can and giving away or throwing away everything else.  My sister starts packing things and bringing them over.  Then, on the Friday before the move, (06/01/12)  my dad gets sick.  My sister takes him to the hospital, and he is there most of the day having tests and then told his blood was abnormal and sent home.  We didn't think too much of it then, so she left him, we visited him a couple of time over the weekend.  On the Monday, he had a regular doctors appointment, so Terry and I decided to take him so I could find out the results from the tests he had had on the Friday.  I was shocked when I saw him,  He could barely stand up and walk.  He had to lean on both of us and his walking was slow and laboured. His doctor was shocked by what he saw, and said he had no record from the hospital.  Dad was sent straight down to the hospital for a C.T. and I asked the hospital to send his file to his doctor.  The doctor rang me the next day to say the file from the hospital had arrived and there was nothing unusual in there, he was still waiting for the blood test results from the hospital, and would let me know as soon as they arrived.  Meanwhile life went on at home, and our house was getting more cluttered.

Storing things where ever they fit.

 Horatio was starting to wonder what was going on and we were starting to wonder if we would ever get Number 3 ready for us to sleep in.  Dad had deteriorated and my sister started sleeping at his place so someone would be there with him.  On Wednesday (11/01.12), I called the doctors surgery to ask if I could get dad in, because I was worried about his vomiting.  They got him in straight away.  The doctor told me his white blood cells were high, and ordered another blood test, promising me he would contact me as soon as the results came through.  Dad was put on antibiotics in case he had an infection.  Meanwhile, back at the house, things were getting even more cluttered.  The move had been changed from the weekend to Thursday night and that was only a day away.  Where were we going to put everything.  We were not ready for another house full of furniture, but we would have to manage.  Thursday morning arrived, and I called the doctors surgery and told them I was working at 11.30 and would not be available till 2.30.  The receptionist told me she would tell the doctor.  11.25 a.m., I was just about to walk out of the staffroom when my mobile rang, I answered it, and it was the doctor.  "hello Olga, it's ...., how are you today.  Not too bad thanks, how are you.  Well thank you Olga, but I am calling to tell you, your dad has leukemia,  he needs to go to hospital today.  I am just going to get the paperwork ready so he will be admitted straight away.  Ok, well I am working at the day care centre across the road from the surgery, I can call in at 2.30 when I knock off and collect it.  No, I will fax it to the hospital now and they will call you with a time that they want him in there.  Please make sure he goes.  I was in shock, but for some reason, the enormity of what I had just heard didn't sink in.  I just went to my supervisor and asked if I would be able to keep my phone on me because I was expecting a call from the hospital,  I explained the phone call I had just had, and she asked if I was ok to stay.  Yes I'm fine, I just need to be able to answer the phone.  I got that phone call about an hour later, telling me to get him to the hospital straight away.  I called my sister, and she organised my other sister to get him, and take him to the hospital.  After work, it was time for the big move.  We spent the next few hours moving furniture to and  from 4 different places.  There was no time to stop and think.  We had to get everything done and it had to be done now.

So much stuff

Finally, about 7.p.m. all the furniture was moved and we were able to sit down, and think.  Well, once it hit, it hit like a tonne of bricks.  I think being so busy really helped us that day.  It will go down as the worst day in my life so far, but also a day I can barely remember.  We were all in auto pilot and that really helped us get through.  The next few days were not much better.  Our lives revolved around working, sorting the house out and spending time at the hospital.  We took turns going to the hospital, and gave dad time between visitors to rest.  He was, and still is, so weak.  We were all so tired, and not taking care of ourselves.  We were living on sandwiches and coffee and the stress was starting to show.  Dad had his good moments, when he could stay awake for 10 to 15 minutes, and his bad patches when he could only manage about 5 minutes.

THE MOMENT NUMBER 3 BECAME GINO'S DREAM

Terry came home from work on the 15th January, and said he had been thinking about my dad at work, and had thought about naming our bus, which I was still calling Number 3, and Terry was calling "The Project", Gino's Journey.  I thought about it for a moment and then suggested Gino's Dream, because my dad had always had a dream of doing what we are about to do, and also our blog is called Following our Dream.  So to me, that sounded right.   We went to visit him that afternoon in hospital and told him about it, and asked him what he thought and if that was ok with him, and he smiled and said thank you.  Now for those of you who don't know my dad, that is something, any other time, he would have waved his arms and said, "oh why you do that, don't worry about it."  That was a very special moment between us, and a moment I'm glad we had, and I will never forget.  So from now on, Number 3 will be known as Gino's Dream.


Dad wanted to come home, and we wanted to take him home, but we were told he could only come home if there was someone to take care of him.  Of course we would take care of him, he is our dad, and needs looking after.  So arrangements were made for him to come home.  Thursday 19th January, was one of the longest days of my life.  I nearly didn't go to work, I had another short shift, so thought someone would be able to cover for me, but then decided, if I stayed home, I would just sit and look at the clock all day.  I went to work and looked at the clock all day anyway, but at least I was surrounded by people and happy children and it made it a little bit easier.
Dad arrived home a little after 4, and we managed to shuffle him into bed.  He was made comfortable and given a door bell to ring if he needed us.  I remember checking on him every few minutes that afternoon and evening, and standing at the bedroom door for several minutes before I went to bed that night.  The next day, dad complained that we were checking on him too often and disturbing him.  As the weekend progressed dad seemed to deteriorate.  In the beginning one of us could have managed to get him to the toilet, (although we generally used two just for comfort), by the second day we had to have two of us, and then by Sunday night it took 3 of us to get him off the bed and across the hallway.  A friend came to shower him on Saturday and she managed him on her own.  I swear dad, being an Italian Stallion, helped as much as he could so we wouldn't be in the room to spoil his fun.  By the Sunday, he had decided that he wanted to go back to hospital.  We were upset about this, because we really wanted him home, but at the same time, we realised there was no way we could cope with him at home.  It was getting harder to move him, and he wasn't eating anything.  I spent Sunday night on the bed next to him, and he woke up through the night a few times and we chatted briefly before he fell asleep again.  It was a long night, I didn't sleep a minute, but it was a night I will never forget or regret.  The nurse came Monday morning to shower dad, and I told her he was waiting for a shower and then was ready to go back to hospital.  The nurse looked at him, and made all the phone calls for me.  She was such an asset to me that day.  I owe her so much.  There is no way I could have done what she did.  She stayed with me right up until dad was safely in the ambulance and then in all the confusion, I even forgot to pay her.  I spent the rest of the day at the hospital, family and friends came for a visit and dad was getting tired.  Dad told us once we left, not to come back to the hospital anymore, that he didn't want to see us again.  That didn't go down too well, and we we told him that we would never leave him.  We had made him a promise that he would never be alone again, and we would do everything in our power to keep that promise.  Unfortunately, we had to break that promise a bit later that evening.  I was exhausted and really needed some sleep.  Terry and I were the last ones left at the hospital and the nurse told me to go home and they would take care of him.  He still hadn't been admitted.  Reluctantly, we left him and came home.  The doctor called about half an hour later.  They were going to admit him, but he needed to talk to me about a few things first.  He made it very clear, that dad was not a candidate for life support if anything went wrong.  I did not take this too well, and asked the doctor to please keep him alive for 24 hours, so Mark, my older brother who was flying in from Queensland, would have a chance to see him.  The doctor said he would do his best, but wouldn't promise that he could.  One of my sisters went to the hospital on Tuesday morning, and I got there about lunch time.  We were finally able to keep our promise to him.  There was someone with him all the time.  I stayed with dad till about 8, then went home.  Mark had arrived from Queensland and spent time with him, and my other sister decided she would stay the night at the hospital with him.  The nurse said that would be fine and put a bed in the room for her.  About an hour or so after I left, I told Terry I needed to go back to the hospital.  We were nearly there when my phone rang.  My sister told me to hurry up, dad had had a set back.  When we finally got through the doors and up the lift, we were told it was a false alarm. His drip had come out and he was bleeding, nothing serious and it was already under control.  We stayed about an hour then left again.  Mark went to the hospital Wednesday morning and my sister came home. Mark stayed with dad most of the day only leaving for a while when someone else was there.  I had decided to go later that day, because I was staying the night.  I got there about 7.  Dad passed away at 7.50 that night with most of us by his side. During his last few days he kept talking about a woman coming to get him, at first it was 6 o'clock, then when 6 p.m. came and went, and no one turned up, we questioned him about it, and he said she had changed it to 8 p.m.  Then 8 came and went and he said, she told him she couldn't make it that night and would come another night for him.  We didn't think much of it, and just thought he was being funny.  Dad was a real flirt with the ladies, and we thought he might have thought we would have gone by 8, and the next day he was going to tell us, he had a date with one of the nurses.  I'm not sure if he mentioned it again the next night or not, but then, the night after that he passed away just before 8.  I still believe the woman who came to get him was his mother.  People tell me it could have been an angel.  Either way, he was happy to see her, and go with her.  He also often asked who was in the room with us, and when we told him who was there, he seemed to look at empty spaces, but never asked who else.  I think he saw someone else in those last couple of days, and didn't want to say, in case we didn't believe him, or he frightened us.  Another thing that sticks in my mind is that my two brothers and sister in law, having being with dad most of the afternoon had decided to go home for some tea.  One of my sisters told them to just go to the pub, because if they went all the way home, cooked tea and washed up they might not come back to the hospital.  They agreed, and headed off to the pub.  When they got there, they decided to put dads numbers on Keno.  The numbers kept winning, so they played another game, then another game and so on.  They missed a game, then put the winnings on another game, and the numbers didn't win.  Dad's luck had run out, so they decided to come back to the hospital.  They walked through the door, and dad gasped and took his final breath.  My other sister arrived a few minutes later.  Other things happened in those last few minutes, but they are personal, and I won't share them, but the coincidences were incredible.  One day, I may even make sense of it all.  We truly believe dad stayed alive long enough to see Mark, and talk to him, even though he was very weak by then. We all stayed with dad for a couple of hours after that, crying at first, and then remembering and sharing stories.  We didn't want to leave, and the nurse told us we could stay as long as we liked, but it was getting late and there were patients trying to sleep, so reluctantly, slowly, we got up to leave.  It felt really strange, taking all his things, and leaving him.  That was really hard.  It was the 25th January, he had been diagnosed on the 12th January.   2 weeks.  Even the doctors couldn't believe how aggressive it was.
The next week was a blur, but we knew there were things to do, and so we set about doing them, it kept us busy and that's what we needed.  Dad didn't want a funeral.  He had planned everything right down to the last detail, and we followed his wishes, however, there were a lot of people who wanted to say goodbye, so we arranged a memorial for him for Wednesday 1st February, one week after his death.  We were expecting about 30 people, and were totally overwhelmed when about 60 or more turned up.  I was going to take photos, but was so busy I never got a chance.  I didn't even get the chance to thank everyone personally.  Some people got up and said a few words,  but most people just spoke to us privately.  It was a lovely send off, and I have never been more proud of my dad than what I was that night.  Hearing all those stories about dad, and the love that these people had for him, made me proud he was my dad.  I loved him in life, and I love him even more in death.  We ended the evening by releasing 6 balloons (each member of the immediate family had one) in red, green and white, the colours of the Italian flag, at 7.50 p.m the time which he passed away exactly one week earlier.

Fly with the angels dad

It was the perfect ending to a not so perfect, but lovely life.

Good bye 2011 Hello 2012

As 2011 comes to a close, I find myself today not exactly where I wanted to be.  We started the year with great expectations and ideas, we were going to get Number 3 finished and registered, and we were going to be living in it, and have taken it out for a few week end trips around Tasmania by now.  Well, unfortunately, that hasn't happened.  Looking back at the photos of where we were when we started, we realise we have accomplished a lot really, but unfortunately there were times when we just had to come to a stand still.  Terry being injured and having to take 2 months off work really made things difficult for us.  You see, Terry is a casual, and if he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid, so for 2 months we were living on just my wage. That really put a strain on our finances, we still had a mortgage to pay, as well as all the usual living expenses, and on top of that, it was winter, so we had to have the heaters on in the house to keep the children that I look after warm.  So the electricity bill went from about $300 for the quarter to about $700, but we made it through that patch and once Terry was well enough he went back to work and we were able to continue with our dream.

This is what Number 3 looked like in January 2011

2011 had many ups and downs.  One of Terry's brothers spent most of the year in hospital, every time we thought he would go home, another infection hit, and would send him right back to square one. It was difficult for us, because he lives in Brisbane and we just couldn't afford to go up there and spend time with him, so we called him daily, and that became difficult, there is only so much a person who is confined to bed can talk about.  We ended up talking about the weather and the hospital food, so then we decided to make them weekly phone calls.  That was better, but still hard to find things to talk about.  You know how you usually ask, so what have you been up to, well "lying in bed" doesn't exactly make for stimulating conversation.  He did manage to go home a couple of time through out the year, and I think at one stage he was even home for 3 weeks before he had a fall and broke his leg and ended up back there.  I must point out that Terry's brother has diabetes, and gets some very nasty infections.  He was also fitted with a pacemaker earlier this year, and managed to get a really bad infection from that and in the end they had to remove the pacemaker.   We are happy to report that he is home now, and hopefully, will stay there for a long time.   My mother also had a few health scares this year and was in hospital twice.  She lives near us, so we were able to visit her often while she was in hospital and make sure she was alright when she came home.  She is still not 100% but is getting there.  Other family members have had minor health issues, but nothing really serious.
To be quite honest, I can't wait for 2011 to be over.  It has been a tough year for me, and one I will not look back on and say wow, what a great year, but for the life of me I can't pinpoint exactly what it was that made it like this.  Sure we have had money issues, but on the whole things haven't been that bad.  I haven't lost anyone, we still have our house, our bus is coming along nicely and my family is healthy and settled.  I have made some fantastic friends this year, both on Facebook and in person, and have had some great times with them.  I have caught up with old school friends whom I haven't spoken to in 30 years, and look forward to catching up with them when we start travelling.

We were planning on spending the week between Christmas and New Year doing the plumbing on the bus, but unfortunately we didn't put the order in on time, and we missed the Christmas deadline.  That means we have to wait till the middle of January before the company opens again, and we get our order, so instead, we decided to clean out the garage.  Boy what a job that turned out to be.  I wish I had thought to take some before photos, because the transformation is amazing.  We can actually walk around in there now, and there is plenty of room.  We absolutely filled the ute up and took a heap of rubbish to the tip.  Most of it went to the recycle shop really, because it was all stuff we were keeping in case we needed it later.  I bet they were happy to see Terry pull up and empty the ute out.  

The shed,  I haven't seen it this tidy for a long time.

 There was a lot of good stuff in there and a lot of it was new, but there comes a time when you just have to say, get rid of it, and that's exactly what we did.

My next project is emptying out and sorting through all the stuff that is in what I loosely describe as "My Office"  The whole time we have been living here, I was going to use that room as an office/craft room.  I did put my desk and a couple of bookshelves with books and craft stuff in there, but then we kept putting more things in there, because we had no where to store them.  We moved from a bigger house with heaps of storage, to this place which is much smaller and there is virtually no where to put anything, which explains why the shed, which used to be a carport until we closed it off, and my office became our dumping ground.  I sold the book cases a few weeks ago, and so everything that was in them ended up on the floor, on my desk and anywhere else I could put it.  We also had a garage sale a few weeks ago and my sisters and niece brought some of their things over to sell.  What didn't sell ended up in there as well.  I have spent the last some time in there during the week sorting through stuff, and I have made a big dent in it, but there is still so much to do.  It has got to the stage where I just want to back the ute up to the gate and throw everything into it and say "to the tip".

My office after a week of sorting out.

Yes I am getting brutal, I have been throwing out a lot of things that only a few weeks ago I would have kept, I really think that's the only way to do it.  When we come back here, are we really going to want mouldy old bits of paper, I think not.  I really wanted this room empty by now, so my sister could start moving her things in and storing them here, but well, things never go to plan do they.  So  you see, this is why I am not too happy with the way my life is at the moment.  I feel very unsettled.  I really wanted to be at the next stage by now, instead I seem to be stuck in this state of confusion and clutter.  I am looking forward to the moment where we can say good bye to this life and start our new life in our bus.  As that moment gets closer, I am finding it easier to throw away things I thought I would never part with, because I realise my memories are inside me, not in or on something.  I am looking forward to moving into the bus, and only taking what we really need and leaving the rest behind.  I have come to realise that yes the bus might be 40 foot long, and there are only 2 of us, but there really is only limited room in there, and I just cannot take everything I thought I treasured. The person I really do treasure will be with me, and that is my husband Terry.  Apart from that I will be taking memories of my family and friends and know that I can still keep in contact with everyone through the wonders of technology.

This is the bus on 31/12/11

So as I sit here saying good bye to 2011 and hello to 2012,  I hope that the new year starts off better than the old one.  I don't make new years resolutions, but I am going to make a promise to myself and that is to laugh more, try not to worry so much and relax and enjoy life.  We are here for such a short time, and I am going to try to make the most of the time I have left.  So with less than an hour and a half left to 2011, I will sign off with a  HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY.  Take care and stay safe.

Christmas 2011

I have approached Christmas with mixed feelings this year.  The bus is nearly finished and we are excited to finally be moving into it, but at the same time, the nerves are starting to set in.  Are we doing the right thing?  Will we be able to find work once we leave here and are on the road?  How will we cope with the heat on the mainland?  I have been reading posts on Facebook and people are commenting of the heat, we are lucky where we live, the climate is very temperate and it's never really that hot. (although, trust me, 22 degrees here can feel like 30 on the mainland).  Yes, we are getting nervous, but at the same time, we are also excited about our departure.  Along with those comments about the heat, we are also seeing some fabulous photos that other travellers are posting, and we hope to be able to post some equally fabulous photos ourselves soon.
We have spent the last couple of weeks getting quotes for water tanks and fittings for number 3.  Unfortunately, we left our run a bit late, and we wont have them until the middle of January at the earliest. We really wanted to get it all fitted during the 10 days Terry had off over Christmas.  Never mind, there's still plenty of other things we can do.  Once we get the water connected, we can take the bus to be weighed and hopefully registered, then we can move into it.
I put the tree up later than usual this year.  I wasn't even going to bother actually, for some reason, it just didn't feel like Christmas, but when you have children in the house (I do family day care),  who are excited by it all, you really need to go with the flow.

Our tree

 I thought putting the tree up would help me get in the mood, but it didn't really.  I was a bit sad because this will be our last Christmas in this house for who knows how many years.  It will be the last Christmas with my family, and I don't know, but it could be the last Christmas we will all be together.  Well, all except for my oldest brother and his wife who live in Queensland.  I know we can always fly home for Christmas, but that's not the same, and we ARE looking forward to having Christmas on the road, catching up with fellow travellers and sharing stories and experiences, but there is something inside of me that is just a little apprehensive.
Christmas day turned out to be a fabulous day.  We went to my niece and her boyfriends place.  They just bought their first house and only got the key the Friday before.  They spent the weekend painting, then moved all the furniture in during the week, put the tree up and the place looked lovely on Christmas day.  You would never have believed they had only just moved in.  They did a great job getting it ready.

Waiting patiently

Unwrapping some presents

Handing out the presents

We spent most of boxing day cleaning out the shed.  We got a bit lazy this year, and just threw things in wherever, and it was getting really hard to move around in there.  That took most of the day, but it was well worth it.  Now we know exactly what else we have to put in the bus, and what we are leaving behind.  Problem is, I think we want to take far more than what will actually fit.  I think we are going to need a bigger bus.