As I sat back in the recliner at the hospital I contemplate what is and what could or should have been. Next week should have been D day. Yes friends, I had my mind set on leaving the week after school holidays. The reason I chose that was because of traffic. I thought it would have slowed down by then, also I thought about the weather. I didn't want to leave Tasmania and head to the mainland while it was so hot there, and thought it would be cooling down by now. This week should have been a busy one for us. We would have had to check that everything was fine with the bus, unpack all my clothes and repack only half of them and taking the rest to the salvos. We would have to do the same with Terry's gear and everything else we have packed so far. I'm sure we wont need half of what I have put in there. We would also have had to sell the ute sometime this week. Horatio would have had to have a visit to the vet for a check up (he would have hated that, but I rather know he is healthy). Gino's Dream is in desperate need of a wash. I'm sure there are heaps more things that need doing, but they aren't coming to mind right now.
Instead as I mentioned before I was sitting back in a recliner at the hospital having my third round of chemo. Gino's Dream is sitting up the side of the house unfinished but by no means unloved. We are no where near close to even thinking of selling the ute.
We have settled into Gino's Dream well. I had a few tough goes in there, not being able to cope with certain smells but seem to be on top of it now. It will be interesting to see how I go with this round of chemo. My sense of smell seems to be stronger after chemo and I can't tolerate things I hadn't even noticed before. I have already decided that the curtains in the bedroom need to come down and washed again. They still have that new "starchy" smell which seems to get worse when the sun heats the bus up.
We have sorted out our heating, so we should be warm in there this winter, however, having the heater on will mean having to close the door, and I don't think Horatio will like that, he likes going out through the night and having a wonder. Never mind, it will be good practice for when we finally get on the road. He wont be able to head off on his own because we wont always be parked in a safe back yard.
Hopefully, the people who came and looked at the bus before Easter will keep their word and call us with a date they can pick Gino's Dream up and take him into the workshop and finish him for us. It would be good if they could do it while I am in hospital, but Terry really wants it done before that. I just thought that would be good because it would be easier all round. Otherwise, we would have to move into the house again and it would upset everyones routine. We all get on well, which is good, but it's nice to have somewhere to escape if I need peace and quiet, or just to watch t.v. if Liliana is watching something else. If I am in hospital, Terry will most likely be in Hobart with me, so the timing would be great. Fingers crossed we can get Gino's Dream finished soon, but we have found that tradesmen in Tasmania don't always keep their promise, and there aren't too many to choose from, so that makes it really hard.
I am picking up the pieces of my shattered life, slowly. I have accepted what life has thrown at me, and am fighting it with everything I have. It's not always easy. Vomiting for 9 days after chemo is not fun, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I can now understand why the doctors didn't treat my dad. He would not have coped with the chemo, he was much too weak. The doctors really do know best, we just have to trust them. The chemo is really doing its job. My C.R. 125 (which is a cancer indicator) has dropped from 3093 to 880 after two sessions, so I am really happy with that. I see my surgeon on Friday and hopefully she will set a date for the operation for May, which was the plan, 3 chemo sessions, surgery then 3 more chemo sessions then hopefully it will all be over and I can regain my strength and start putting my life back together.
It's funny really (well not funny really, but I don't have another word for it) how your life can change so dramatically in just one day, well not even one day, one minute. Here I was thinking everything was alright then bang, I get told I have cancer and everything changes, just like that. It has made me a stronger person and I am more understanding and tolerant now. Amazing how being faced with death changes a person.
So as I sit here recovering, I dream of the future, where Terry and I will be on the road, travelling and exploring this wonderful country we have taken for granted for far too long.
One day soon Australia, I PROMISE.
